C.T. Thomas @ GurgleSlurp.com



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The old magic isn’t working anymore!!
January 31, 2013

“How could this happen to me! I’m a good person!”

“Obviously you’re not,” I shrugged.

“What?!”

“Good peoples’ cars don’t break down, and they don’t get the flu, and their banks cards are never eaten by ATM machines. Clearly, you’re a terrible person.”

“You know I fucking hate you right now, right?”

“Maybe if you didn’t use such bad language, your car would still be running.”

And no, we’re not actually friends anymore. 🙂


2 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!

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Crap In A Hat: Jack Reacher, starring Tom Cruise and a woman whose name I don’t know
January 7, 2013

A review of ‘Reacher,’ a movie I have not seen, but whose trailer I watched when I went to see Lincoln with The Princess

Reacher movie review: A review of a movie I have not seen, but whose trailer I watched when I went to see Lincoln with The Princess


3 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!

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Water woes
November 9, 2012

The plumber came, we ran the laundry machine, the dishwasher, turned on every tap, flushed every toilet … and nothing. No leak. The conclusion? It wasn’t a burst pipe, it was the laundry machine. Despite the total lack of water near the machine, it was draining when the leak started, so it seems the only suspect. So I ran a load, nothing. Another load, nothing. A third load, and nothing. And now a fourth load. Why won’t the machine leak again? How did it leak in the first place? Why do our laundry machines hate us? I don’t put gross things in there. We don’t have orgies, we don’t mud wrestle, we don’t have pie eating contests, we shower daily – there’s no reason for our laundry machines to rebel against us. Now and again I’ve failed to fully empty a pocket and ran a laundry with a Werther’s hard candy or a Kleenex in it, but that couldn’t be reason enough, could it?


2 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!

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Water water everywhere!
November 4, 2012

Water is the bane of this house’s existence. A few years ago the laundry machine started overflowing, flooding the laundry-room and the basement. That happened twice. We replaced the machine and all seemed well. Then a weird thing happened with the car and something to do with leaves somehow getting clogged somewhere and the car flooded. We had a new HVAC installed and a tube was installed incorrectly, totally flooding the basement after the first heat wave. A water filtration pump didn’t flow properly, totally flooding the basement again. And now? I run a load of laundry, we start to hear a weird sound, the basement is flooded – but the machine isn’t overflowing. I search and see that the water is coming from off to the side, either behind the wall or under the floor – whatever the laundry machine drains into has burst. FUCK! What the fuck?! Who has this many water issues? I’m blaming The Princess, I think it’s some sort of freak passive aggressive telekinetic terribleness, which happens when he’s been upset/over stressed for too long.


1 instance of slightly inappropriate touching!

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We’re not desperate for heroes, so cool it already!
June 1, 2012

I hate – absolutely detest (detest is worse than hate, right?) how overused hero references have become. I’ve been watching the French open and what’s the headline after Andy Murray wins his match? Heroic Murray overcomes painful back injury to win. Heroic? Seriously? How about determined, or tenacious, or persevering? There’s a huge list of complementary yet more appropriate words available. But heroic? What a low bar we’ve set.

Heroic C.T. Thomas overcomes painful unseasonal flu to bake cookies.


2 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!

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