C.T. Thomas @ GurgleSlurp.com


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To the cute boy who sat next to me on the plane:
July 7, 2014

You were in seat 14B on July 4th, American Airlines flight #3150, YYZ to LGA, I was the girl to your left in the window seat. I wanted to tell you that I thought you were quite handsome, but I refrained as I feared I would wind up having to share my candy with you – you had offered me a stick of gum, remember? And not offering you any candy in return was already somewhat ungracious. So anyway, now that my candy is out of jeopardy, wow are you ever handsome!

If our flight was crashing, I’d have been totally open to making out with you, even though I’m much older and kind of married. I understand that you might not be as cool with the prospect at first blush, but think back, I really was the cutest person between rows 13 to 15. You would have had to go pretty far to reach the blonde with the side ponytail, and I think she was travelling with someone. And the man with the crooked smile and shaggy brown hair was even further still! Sure, that petite gorgeous brown haired woman was just a little bit behind us, but she was clearly Orthodox and it was NOT going to happen. I know that looks are a useless way to make determinations about people, but in a plane crash make out situation, I think it’s a safe go-to.

Anyway, as a polite young man I think you would have gone along with it to avoid hurting my feelings, which, by the way, I totally appreciate.

0 people feel like humping

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Elmer Fudd Finally Wins! i.e. how Bugs Bunny dies
June 29, 2013

Elmer Fudd finally wins i.e. how Bugs Bunny dies

14 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!

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Auto Erotic Asphixiation! i.e. how Mickey Mouse dies
June 22, 2013

Auto Erotic Asphixiation i.e. how Mickey Mouse dies

12 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!

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Purple & Gold to the wedding!
June 20, 2013

The Littlest Princess got married earlier this month and for whatever reason (probably alcohol related) I thought it would be great if I made my dress for the event. Forgetting of course that I haven’t sewn anything ballgown’esque for close to a decade.

Whenever black tie is an option, I take it, so I definitely wanted a floor length, ballgowny something. The MotB was going to be in a strapless cobalt gown and the MotG was going with a one-shoulder cocoa, so I figured I’d avoid both of those styles and aim for something halterish.

The initial design:

Initial dress design

Since the moms were in cobalt and cocoa, I figured purple was somewhere in the middle and went with that.

Pinned to my dress form:

Pinned together

Adding the gold striping was actually pretty easy:

Gold seams sewn!

But after that point I ran into some problems. I tried it on and it was way too big, which I totally still don’t understand because I have the dress form set at my measurements. Then after I took it in, I realised that even my wee boobies were at risk of nip slipping on account of the open sides. Relying on double sided tape to keep from flashing everyone didn’t seem like the best idea so:

Foiling wardrobe malfunctions with back bands!

It worked! I had to add a set of darts at the lower waist at the last minute as it was gaping a little bit, but I think it turned out well.

Everything blurry but me!

The dress from the back. No nipples!

Everything in focus but me!The dress seams didn't split when I sat down!

Everything in focus – including me!The dress in full - it all worked out!

5 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!

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Accidental Nudity: 911
June 14, 2013

911? Yes, hi. I had a question about lockjaw, and a possible emergency...

“911? Yes, hi. I had a question about lockjaw, and a possible emergency…”

12 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!

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