“Your baby appears to be reasonably humanoid and free from grotesque abnormalities – congratulations!”

The crying.

I don’t know how lesbian couples get through this. Girls – women – ladies – FEMALES cry. We just do. It isn’t about weakness or sensitivity, or manipulation (most of the time). It’s just how we’re wired to deal with extreme emotion. When the Princess and I argue, there are enough tears involved that the threshold point is already near. Swap the Princess out with a woman and the crying limit is breached far too early into the argument for the hidden, underlying issues to be addressed, much less resolved.

When the Princess and I clash, it’s usually a bit into the argument that we figure out what we’re really upset about, and this tends to be where my tears show up. The Princess usually doesn’t get weepy until we’re wrapping up the resolution. If he started crying when I did, the whole thing would get stupid far too soon to be useful and we’d have to delay and reschedule the end game. Totally inefficient. It would drive me nuts.

Unless I’m just not meeting the right lesbians, it doesn’t seem like they cry any less than hetero women. How do they get anything done in a relationship? Write each other letters? Argue via email? Texting?

“Is that a bottle of water? What, have you been living in a cave? You can’t bring that much water onto a plane!”

“This scenario isn’t nearly as sexy as I thought it would be.”