C.T. Thomas @ GurgleSlurp.com


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After Happily Ever (1)
February 8, 2013

Illandra squinted at the 8 black pieces and groaned. She would normally never perform the final counterfeit check but word in the village was that Gengrassen was spending his nights cutting ogre dung through his coins, the weight remained the same but the metal would crumble within 3 moons. There was only one sure way to know, and she couldn’t afford to be caught unawares. With a deep breath she leaned forward and stuck out her tongue. And again. And again.

“Oh thank the heavens,” she cried with glee. She would allow another sweeper to pilfer her contract with the cobbler, licking for counterfeit was not worth the 8 extra pieces of black each month. She would find a way to make do without it: cut back on the turnips, buy some hens instead of the goat she wanted, because one day she would indeed be the recipient of one of Gengrassen’s altered coins.

2 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!

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After Happily Ever – will start tomorrow!
February 7, 2013

As far as I can tell, it’s generally considered to be something of a social faux pas to go to he bathroom while talking on the phone. And if you’re going to engaged in such behaviour one must be sure to either do so without detection, or inform the other party of the situation. So, as a warning to those who are squeamish about such things, I must state that I am presently in the bathroom having my morning poop, and intend to write all subsequent After Happily Ever updates from a similar position.

I’m intending After Happily Ever to act as a fun creative warmup exercise, to replace email as the thing I do first in the morning. It’ll be written and posted without much editing so I’ll do my best to keep it as cohesive a story as possible. I think it’ll wind up a very long short, or a just barely novella, but we’ll see.

Time to flush.

0 people feel like humping

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Accidental Nudity: The Saline Solution
February 3, 2013

Doris was the only passenger who managed to stay afloat after the horrific ocean crash.

Doris was the only passenger who managed to stay afloat after the horrific ocean crash.

2 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!

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Reworking old things – tattoo purse!
February 1, 2013

My sister and I picked these purses up at least a decade ago, from one of downtown Toronto’s many knick knack stores. You know the ones, they sell everything from Canada flag hats and Toronto t-shirts, to ear muffs, lip gloss, and personal lubricant. I think the bags were something ridiculous, like 2 for $5, and we bought an orange and a red. We were youngins then, and these purses served their ‘money/phone/lipstick’ club purposes well. And then we stashed them in the back of a closet to be forgotten about until Sash moved in with the thin man and had to pare down a few things. The red bag grew pretty battered over the years and likely escaped our clutches ago, but this orange one was still in good condition, just neglected and slightly stained.

Orange purse

I’m not sure that I’ll really find any use for a tiny orange purse, but I’m certain I have no use for a stained tiny orange purse. I used a blue and a dark green Sharpie, and a silver metallic pen, and doodled. I initially thought I’d cover the entire purse, but as I progressed, the idea of just a vertical doodle band seemed like fun. If it sucks, I can always cover the rest of the purse later.

Orange purse with doodle tattoo band

Orange purse with doodle tattoo band

Still not sure if I’ll actually use it, but I like it. Worse case scenario, it’s something cool to add to the donation bag.

2 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!

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The old magic isn’t working anymore!!
January 31, 2013

“How could this happen to me! I’m a good person!”

“Obviously you’re not,” I shrugged.


“Good peoples’ cars don’t break down, and they don’t get the flu, and their banks cards are never eaten by ATM machines. Clearly, you’re a terrible person.”

“You know I fucking hate you right now, right?”

“Maybe if you didn’t use such bad language, your car would still be running.”

And no, we’re not actually friends anymore. :)

2 instances of slightly inappropriate touching!


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